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So i have developed a list of things I need to do everyday and so far i am succeeding in changing my lifestyle. even though its only been a few hours i feel like this may actually be the day I start my life. I have been developing my intelligence and observational skills slightly while playing mass video games but its time to work on my life and my body. After completing things I needed to do today, I started playing Chivalry: Medieval warfare to fill the gap in my day that should be filled with a job or school.

I did a little experiment on Chivalry to test peoples intelligence and observational skills. I typed in all caps because I knew people would assume that I have low intelligence only based on that one thing. The reason why I did this is because I know a couple people that type in all caps and it’s not because they are unintelligent, but it’s a conscious choice they make based on humor or hype. Even though my word choice, grammar,(for the most part but definitely not my punctuation like everyone else :D) and logic were very sound, they still couldn't see past my caps lock.

I went from server to server discussing with people and asking why it bothered them or why they thought it automatically meant I was stupid, and no one could give me an actual reason to why it bothered them, they only told me over and over again that it was seen as yelling. I tried to explain to them that if they used basic logic then they could determine that i wasnt yelling because my default was caps lock. It would make sense that a change such as lots of exclamation points would bring about yelling rather than my default text, they refused to see that as a possibility and just got even more annoyed. I actually got kicked from many servers, my teams turned on me and started attacking me, and people were calling me stupid, faggot and other names. I thought it was hilarious because a simple button left on caused so much chaos and showed so much ignorance that It blew my mind. There were very few people that didn’t try to intervene and tell me too turn off caps lock or to shut up, and even fewer people who saw through my caps lock. I am now realizing how most peoples observational and analyzing skills are nearly nonexistent. Most people see the world in black and white according to their rules of the internet or of the world that they have created.

For as long as I can remember I have been obsessed with video games and have been trying to escape from the stressful world by avoiding social contact and avoiding important things like improving myself. I would escape into video games because it was so easy and devoid of stress to just sit there, have the same exact start as everyone else and build my virtual self. Of course even in the games i wasn't too big on social interaction, it was much easier to just deal with the AI. So for the longest time I was this scrawny kid who needed a haircut sitting at the only empty lunch table or being completely silent and observing at the full one.

The only friends i had were basically forced upon me. I was forced to go to church to every Sunday so i did meet some good people there and it got me into boy scouts and i had a lot of good memories there. Basically my only friends were the ones who went to my church but only a couple of them i actually hung out with outside of church or school.

My grade school years were interesting, i rarely did my homework but i paid attention in class so i was able to get okay grades just by acing the tests and failing miserably in the homework assignments. In high school i began to question my religion, and began to do things that were against it. I became a stoner and it was great, it kept my mind off of the important things and helped me continue the life i was leading without regret. I didn't have to think about benefits of hanging out with girls or going out and doing things when i could just smoke and play video games with my best friend Lorenzo. In the last 2 years of high school i joined running start because that's where most of my friends were going and I hated everyone except for one person at the high school so i thought why not. Of course my old strategy didn't work in college, i actually started doing my homework. I failed a couple classes, skipped an entire quarter and made so many mistakes that i basically only got about a year of college credits.

Because of the fact that i was super religious for most of my life and was obsessed with video games this also made little room for interaction with girls. It took me until i was about 16 just to hold hands or hug a girl and to this day I haven't done anything more. But i also do not regret that because it has allowed me to be who i am today, completely devoid of attached strings and at a completely blank slate.

I believe today is the day I start improving myself. Today is the day i spend less time on the computer and more time learning the basics of life and improving myself in the most basic of ways. Today is the day I start developing the habits i need, working out, personal hygiene, organizing, GETTING A JOB even. The funny thing is, I have said these things before but it has never felt as real as it does today. Not only do i feel dedicated to turn my life around but i have started a blog to remind me of the promise i have made to myself. Today is the day i begin my life just as i have created new characters in the pointless MMORPGS i have played before. I am going to gain levels in real life!

Day 1

Prologue